Someone call me at 6 am to make sure I wake up and get into work to get my demo setup.
The best religiously affiliated, yet non offensive joke I know of:
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, “Jesus is watching you.”
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.” Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
“Did you say that?” he hissed at the parrot.
“Yes,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you.”
The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are, anyway?”
“Moses,” replied the bird.
“Moses!” the burglar laughed. “What kind of stupid people would name a parrot ‘Moses’?”
The bird promptly answered, “The same kind of people who would name a Rottweiler ‘Jesus’!”